We’ve all had those awkward family moments at the dinner table. A ‘casually’ racist comment in between “please pass the salt” and “so, have you met someone yet?” An eye-roll as soon as someone utters the word “vegan”. The holidays can be tense at times. So, how do we avoid a nuclear fallout at the dinner table and facilitate healthy climate conversation instead?
Dinners and climate conversations aren’t always an obvious match. However, the holidays can actually be a great time to gently persuade your loved ones to become more eco-aware. This time of year is traditionally a busy time for socialising; office parties, drinks with friends, dinners with family. But, for a lot of us, family time can be full of tension. While our chosen families likely share our values, our relatives often have a wider range of political leanings and opinions. And then there are the tricky dynamics that can sometimes be present. How can we avoid an eruption when Uncle Chris insists that climate change is a hoax?
Lean into curiosity and gentleness
Act from a place of genuine curiosity: what is going on for that person? What need (social/physical/mental, etc) are they trying to meet through this? What can we say that would resonate with their needs? For decades, Transformative Justice practitioners have been reiterating principles of restoration and relationship-centered work that prioritises building connection for better communication.
One such tool is Nonviolent Communitication, a widely used communication process that was developed in the 1960s with the aim of presenting the world with an easy-to-learn technique for de-escalating tense situations in a non-confrontational way. There are four components to this: (1) Making observations – what you observe (see, hear, remember), (2) Feelings – how you feel in relation to what you observe, (3) Needs – what you need/value that’s causing these feelings, and (4) Requests – concrete actions that you’d like to take/taken to resolve the conflict. Practisee through a few examples, and then in real life, and watch your compassion and capacity grow.
Practice self-regulating after/during the heat of the conversation
To be and remain in a space of empathy and connection during your Nonviolent Communication practise, you need to be able to self-regulate. Here are some resources to get you started:
1. SURF Centering: Sit/stand in a vertical line with your head above heart and heart above belly. Take a long slow breath in and then on the exhale, release a relaxing “Ahhh.” As you ask your body the following question, allow a moment for an answer to arise: What would it be like if I had a bit more? (Fill in a quality—just one). Notice any shifts in your body. Imagine the feeling of the quality filling up the space within you and then two to three feet around you. Imagine it expanding to include objects / people around you.
2. Hollow Bone: This one’s a gratitude practice. Use it to appreciate your heart, this Earth, all that came before you, and all your relationships. Open yourself up to the possibilities in your life.
Learn to give and receive feedback
This one applies to both positive and negative feedback. Think of the last time you got negative feedback. Was it communicated with consent, empathy, and compassion? Or was it rash, dismissive and harmful? The same model of Nonviolent Communication can be used to give and receive feedback. Listen out for: observations, feelings, needs/values, and requests if any. Make observations without judging. What physical reactions are you having? And how do those observations make you feel? Expand time and space and slow down kneejerk reactions. Ask clarifying questions and offer empathy before responding with your own needs and requests.
Lead with love, not judgement
Of course, we want those close to us to join the fight against climate change but we also just want to spend time together.
Between the climate crisis, the literal wars happening around the world, and everything in between, people everywhere are experiencing a lot of trauma, stress, and anxiety. The holidays should be a time of joy and celebration. So, rather than judging our loved ones for something we see as harmful (whether that is towards the environment or other people), this is an opportunity to show how much joy there is in living a more socially and environmentally conscious lifestyle.
Whether you are staying with family or just visiting for the day, look for opportunities to sneak in subtle climate conversations. These can be sparked by joyful topics like gifts, food, books or nature.
Gifting
Gift-giving presents us with a beautiful opportunity to introduce our friends and family to new things. Rather than preaching or ‘debating’ our values and lifestyle, the season is a chance to share in a loving way with the people closest to us. Be thoughtful about gifts that will delight and inspire. This is your time to support your favourite brands and introduce them to your inner circle. Get them hooked on ethical brands and handmade crafts and watch their interest in conscious consumption grow naturally.
Check out some of our gift guides for ideas. Start with the “no-gift gift guide” for low cost, low impact present ideas guaranteed to make your giftee feel appreciated. For conscious brands we love, we’ve got that covered too.
Why not put extra effort into wrapping presents with materials you already have? Not only will this create a fun talking point about upcycling (more stealthy climate conversations!), but it can also be a great pre-holiday dinner mindful activity. Pour a glass of wine, find the perfect playlist on Spotify and get crafty. (If you need some inspo, Pinterest is a great place to start.)
Planet-friendly platters
Mealtimes are the bedrock of the holiday season. The kitchen is where we pass cultural and familial recipes from generation to generation, how we remember our roots and where we make memories. Seize the opportunity to cook climate-friendly dishes, with locally-sourced produce and plants in abundance, and take your favourite organic wine to the party. It’s widely agreed that reducing meat consumption will have a positive impact on the climate but we know that getting people to go fully vegan is a huge challenge. Instead, you can use holiday mealtimes as a chance to get your family to fall in love with plant-based recipes that they can’t wait to incorporate into their diet.
When everyone remarks on how much they are enjoying it, you get to share another recommendation that will hopefully begin to cultivate more interest. Perhaps in this instance, the climate conversations centre around sharing the recipes – you could even gift the cookbook so they can try it themselves.
Don’t forget to bring your tupperware to ensure food is not wasted. You can also rustle up delicious new plant-based meals with the leftovers.
Get outside
One of the most powerful ways to inspire environmentally-friendly action is to foster a deep connection with the earth. We know it’s difficult to peel yourself off the sofa after a decadent meal but get outside with your family and just appreciate the outdoors together. Take a post-movie marathon walk in the forest, on the beach or wherever you go to get your dose of fresh air. Maybe it’s not full-on climate discussions in the great outdoors but, surrounded by the benefits of nature, we can appreciate what we are trying to save. Families often have their favourite spots outside that bring back memories of picnics, birthdays, beach days. Reminiscing about the good times is the perfect way to share what you love about the place that means so much to you – your favourite tree to picnic under, the view on that hike you did every year as kids, listening to the waves as you contemplate life.
Pick your battles
As we close out another challenging year and start to look forward to the next, rest is crucial. Use your energy wisely and avoid situations and conversations that leave you feeling frustrated and depleted. You are only one person and you’re not going to save the world debating someone hellbent on disagreeing with you. Don’t take it personally when you don’t seem to be getting through to someone, we all form our views based on a whole host of factors like past experiences, our upbringing, where we live, who we are surrounded by. It’s rare that one single conversation or moment will change someone’s mind. You’re just sowing seeds, you don’t need to go from zero to joining a climate action group. No one was born a climate justice advocate, we all started somewhere.
If you do feel emboldened to have heavier climate conversations with some of the more sceptical figures in your life, make sure you’re showing up to that battle well-armed. Refresh your knowledge of some of the more divisive topics like overpopulation, offsetting, consumption, plastics, and net-zero. We’ve got you.